Understanding Spiritual Abuse: Characteristics and the Religious Power & Control Wheel

Spiritual abuse can be difficult to identify—especially when it occurs within a community you once trusted or in practices that were presented as “normal” or even “holy.” Many survivors have had their experiences minimized or dismissed, and others feel loyalty to a faith system that shaped their identity. Naming what happened is often the first step toward healing.

This post explores what spiritual abuse is, how it differs from trauma, and the common characteristics seen in high-control religious environments.

What Is Spiritual Abuse?

At its core, abuse is the “improper use or treatment of someone else.”
Spiritual abuse occurs when a person or organization uses God, scripture, or religious ideas to take power from someone else in order to control them.

As Dr. Wade Mullen notes, “It almost always begins with language; words that lead to confusion and captivity.” Many survivors remember the moment when words were used to shame, silence, or manipulate them.

Importantly, abuse does not require intentional harm. Some harmful behaviors are even normalized within certain religious traditions. Dr. Laura Anderson distinguishes between:

• Abusive behaviors — occasional harmful actions that can be addressed when identified

• Abusive systems — patterned, predictable misuse of power that shapes the entire culture

And while abuse is what happened to you, trauma is your body’s response to what happened. With support, clarity, and resources, not all abuse becomes trauma.

Characteristics of Spiritual Abuse: The Religious Power & Control Wheel

Many high-control religious cultures share predictable patterns. Below are key markers often seen in spiritually abusive environments.

1. Abuse of Spiritual Authority

• Overemphasis on submission: Leaders present obedience as essential to holiness. Even personal decisions—dating, finances, career—may require pastoral approval.

• Suppression of questioning: Disagreement is framed as rebellion. Mullen writes, “Any culture that perpetuates abuse will question the motives of those who ask questions…silence those who break silence, and descend upon those who dissent.”

• Scripture used to justify harm: Texts become weapons to excuse domestic abuse, silence women, or maintain authoritarian leadership.

• Lack of accountability: Leaders operate without checks and balances, often protected by secrecy or loyalty.

2. Threats, Accusations, and Intimidation

• Fear of abandonment or excommunication

• Leaving the church or organization framed as “leaving the faith'“

• Spiritual superiority used to shame those who step away

• Discouragement from seeking outside support such as counseling or law enforcement

3. Economic Control

• Pressure to volunteer extensively

• Suspicion toward higher education

• Messages to “trust God” instead of pursuing financial stability or assistance

4. Sexuality and Gender Control

• Rigid gender roles and patriarchal expectations

• Women blamed for abuse or sexual misconduct

• Clergy sexual abuse minimized or hidden

5. Loss of Autonomy

• Intuition labeled as untrustworthy

• Decisions deferred to leaders

• Worth tied to performance, service, or sacrifice

• Scriptures such as Jeremiah 17:9 weaponized to undermine self-trust

6. Isolation

• Discouragement from outside relationships

• Information control (e.g., “Don’t gossip”)

• Expectation to keep leadership’s secrets

• Fear-based narratives about the “outside world”

7. Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming (Gaslighting)

• “It wasn’t that bad.”

• “You’re overreacting.”

• “He’s a sinner too.”

• Harm reframed as a “sin issue” rather than abuse

8. Emotional Manipulation

• Pressure to suppress emotions

• Valuing stoicism over authenticity

• Spiritualizing dissociation or numbing

• Manipulation framed as “God’s will”

Why Naming This Matters

Recognizing the patterns of spiritual abuse helps survivors finally make sense of their confusion. Many describe a profound shift when they realize:

• “It wasn’t my fault.”

• “I wasn’t crazy.”

• “My intuition was right.”

Naming abuse is not about bitterness—it is about clarity, safety, and the beginning of freedom.

If you are a survivor of spiritual abuse/religious trauma seeking supporting on your healing journey, consider joining our spiritual abuse recovery small group in January - in-person in KC or online. https://www.undividedheartcounseling.com/spiritualabuse