Healing From Spiritual Abuse and Religious Trauma: A Compassionate Path Forward

Healing from religious trauma is not a linear process. It unfolds over time as survivors regain trust, reclaim agency, and reconnect with their own intuition and belonging.

This final post explores the stages of healing, nervous system repair, and practical tools that support recovery.

Stage 1: Awareness

Healing begins with acknowledging what happened.

• Naming spiritual abuse

• Validating the impact

• Understanding how the system shaped your beliefs and body

Awareness is not about blame—it’s about clarity.

Stage 2: Grieving

Religious trauma involves many losses:

• Community

• Certainty

• Identity

• A role you once filled

• Time spent trying to “measure up”

• Beliefs that once offered security

Making room to mourn these losses is essential.

Stage 3: Healing & Integration

This stage involves:

• Reconnecting with your story

• Separating your identity from the trauma

• Listening to your body

• Releasing emotions stored for years

• Unburdening “parts” of yourself that adapted for survival

Many survivors find supportive therapies such as IFS (Parts Work) or EMDR helpful.

Stage 4: Shifting & Reconstructing

As safety grows, survivors begin to:

• Try new beliefs

• Explore spirituality in fresh ways

• Rebuild life outside the high-control system

• Evaluate values and boundaries

• Rediscover personal agency

The goal is the restoration of trust, which Charles Feltman defines as:

“Choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.”

Healing includes restoring:

• Trust in God

• Trust in safe relationships

• Trust in your own intuition

Nervous System Healing

High-control religious environments often keep people in a state of heightened activation.

Common Nervous System Impacts

• Constant vigilance

• Difficulty resting

• Confusion between nervous system sensations and “spiritual” messages

• Feeling unsafe in your own body

Healing requires a slower pace. Sometimes, telling the trauma story comes after nervous system safety is established.

Understanding Triggers

A trigger is not being “overly sensitive” or “offended.”
It is the nervous system identifying danger based on past experience.

Healing does not mean never being triggered—it means knowing how to support yourself when it happens.

Polyvagal Theory Basics

• Ventral Vagal: safe, connected

• Sympathetic: fight/flight/freeze

• Dorsal Vagal: shutdown, collapse, fawn

Compassion is key: your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do.

Practical Tools for Healing

Grounding Techniques

• 5–4–3–2–1 sensory grounding

  • Focus on 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste

• Breath Exercises

  • Box breathing: 5 seconds in and out, in and out

  • Rectangle breathing: Inhale for 5, lengthen the exhale to 10 to stimulate the “rest & digest” system

• Somatic exercises to connect to the body and to the ground beneath you

  • Identifying a place of safety in the body

  • Grounding through the feet: feel the weight and connection of your feet on the floor

  • Body scan: bring your awareness to various parts of your body, noticing sensations without judgment

• Visualization of a calm, secure place connected to a positive memory

Releasing Unhealthy Coping

Shifting from numbing to nourishing behaviors is a gradual process as you recognize the protective behaviors that helped you survive, slowly replacing them with practices that are healthy and caring for your body, mind, and spirit.

Exploring Beliefs

Questions like:

• “Do I believe my worth is defined by what I do?”

• “Do I trust myself to make decisions?”

Emotional Release

Trauma stored in the body can be processed through:

• Somatic practices

• EMDR

• Parts work

• Movement

• Breathwork

Creating Boundaries

Boundaries emerge from your values—not fear or obligation.
Tools like a values assessment can help clarify what matters most.

Integration

Integration is the ability to tell your story—with both the good and painful parts—without losing yourself.

Healing is not about erasing the past but about reclaiming your future and looking forward with hope. As author Brené Brown reminds us: “When we have the courage to walk into our story and own it, we get to write the ending.”

If you are a survivor of spiritual abuse/religious trauma seeking supporting on your healing journey, consider joining our spiritual abuse recovery small group in January - in-person in KC or online. https://www.undividedheartcounseling.com/spiritualabuse